Health experts share how to talk about mental health with a loved one

With hundreds of thousands of people in the UK experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder and other effects of winter, many Brits may be finding themselves concerned about their loved ones’ wellbeing this winter.

However, a study by Benenden Health found that over a third of Brits do not feel comfortable checking in with people on their mental health (34%). Among the biggest worries are saying the wrong thing (33%) or being too intrusive (31%) when speaking to friends and family.

However, the study also found that Brits would feel more confident if they knew how to make others feel comfortable (31%), had the appropriate questions to ask (30%), or knew the best way to start a conversation about mental health (28%).

To help people feel more equipped to start these conversations, the experts at Benenden Health have shared five tips on how to talk to the people in your life about their mental health:

1.     Recognise the importance of emotional wellbeing

When talking about mental health, the first step is to understand that emotional wellbeing is just as important as physical wellbeing.

There is a spectrum of reasons as to why someone might be struggling with their mental health. This could range from having a bad day after oversleeping to being severely affected by a bereavement. When speaking to anyone about their wellbeing, it’s crucial to take their feelings seriously and not be dismissive. 

For example, while you might think telling someone “chin up” or to “crack on” will help lighten their mood, that person could feel undermined by your comments, and it may not facilitate an honest conversation about their emotional wellbeing.

2.     Choose the right setting

Finding a comfortable setting is key to getting someone to open up about their mental health. This will vary depending on the individual, but try to choose a discreet location, free from distractions or interruption.

Good examples of settings include a quiet corner of a café, a private meeting room at work, or a peaceful walk around a park. It’s important to remember, however, that you should not let finding the perfect setting put you off starting the conversation.

3.     Ask open questions

Whether you are speaking to your friends, children, or parents about their mental wellbeing, always try to ask open questions.

An open question is one that cannot be answered by simply “yes” or “no”. Some examples of open questions you could ask someone about their mental health include:

·         How have you been feeling today?

·         What’s on your mind?

·         What does that feel like?

When starting a conversation about someone’s mental health, it can be helpful to include a statement before your open question. For example, “I’ve noticed you seem a little down recently. How are you doing?”

These questions naturally encourage people to reflect on their feelings, giving them the opportunity to share their feelings. On the other hand, if the person is trying to answer with short or closed responses, don’t push them too much and let them open up naturally.

4.     Listen actively

Talking about your own mental health is really hard, that’s why it’s important to show you’re truly listening when you check in on others.

There are different ways to actively listen to someone. Use nonverbal cues, such as nodding your head or making small noises like “uh huh” and “mmm,” to show that you understand and acknowledge what is being said. 

Active listeners should not look distracted either, so avoid fidgeting or checking your phone while the other person is talking. If you are sitting down with someone, then maintain eye contact to show they have your full attention.

Avoid interrupting the other person as it can steer the conversation in a different direction or give the impression that your opinions on the topic are more important. Instead, allow a few seconds of silence after the person stops speaking to then ask another open question.

5.     Don’t rush for a solution

Remember that when you are checking in with someone, you don’t have to try and fix the situation.

Your role in that conversation is to allow someone to talk about their emotional wellbeing. You want to give that person an opportunity to discuss their feelings in a confidential manner, without interruption or judgement.

Often, people want the time and space to come to their own conclusions, so offering solutions or advice isn’t overly helpful.  Sometimes, acting as a sounding board is more than enough.

To find out more about UK adults’ attitudes towards speaking about mental health, and to learn how Benenden Health can provide access to a 24/7 Mental Health Helpline, visit the Benenden Health website.

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